Friday, May 1, 2009

Live Blogging Yo-Yo Girl Cop (2006)

Guys, there's two things about me that you probably don't know. First off, I love action movies. Well, if you read one of my recent posts, you actually do know that. You also know that I don't require a lot from my action movies, mostly just action and lots of it. The thing that you most likely don't know about me is that I love yo-yos. I actually started yo-yoing in grade school and got a number of kids in my class into it too (one of two trends I started at Toledo's Christ the King, the other was a brief class-wide fascination with Overpower cards). I never got very proficient at tricks, except walking the dog and rock the cradle, but I like to throw a yo-yo to give my hands something to do. As usual, this is a roundabout way of telling you that when I heard about a movie called Yo-Yo Girl Cop, I got so excited that I've apparently tried to watch it twice.

I only remember the first maybe 20-30 minutes of the movie and vaguely at best. I'm thinking I watched it when I was a member at Blockbuster and never finished it for whatever reason. The reason I should have remembered it is because it's a bad, boring, schlocky movie that never really lives up to it's awesome title. The plot is stupid and takes itself too seriously. I think I'm mostly just disappointed with how much I wanted this to be a rad movie and how boring it turned out to be. I wanted it to be another Machine Girl, but it's closer to Gorgeous.

Again, I've got to tell you this was a bad movie. Anyway, here's my notes.

*Hey, I've actually seen this before, recently even, so why don't I remember it?

*The American woman sounds like the woman in Pi. [The character doesn't seem to be in the IMDb entry].

*So, she's getting deported because she's bad but escapes. Her mom's bad news, but they're not deporting her.

*Woah, her red eye just cried a tear of blood

*Is she gonna be taking care of this kid? Ugh. [Luckily no, but this should have been a tip off to the movie's lameness.]

*I think I saw this when we had Blockbuster. I remember bits and pieces: she's inducted into whatever spy group her mom was in and I think meets/fights her mom later. [Right and wrong respectively.]

*12 minutes in and no yo yo usage yet.

* She's part of Organization K which trains and deploys underage agents for special operations.

*Enola Gay - a website for info on suicide and building bombs, is it really that hard to shut down a website? They got the Pirate Bay guys.

*So it's like Agent Cody Banks but with yo-yos and more kicking (hopefully) [If Agent Cody Banks has roughly 5 minutes of yo-yo fighting and 20 kicks, then I'm wrong on this one.]

*I sense a training montage coming up...Aw nuts, she's just going to school. [We never see her train and, in fact, she's a crappy fighter for the most part and doesn't seem to know how to use her weapon.]

*Nice, weoponized yo-yo on a garter utility belt.

*She's not making a very good first impression: "Shut up or I'll beat the shit out of all of you" after the class cheers for her.

*Mean girls!!! Who try and drop desks on people?

*Why is her uniform different? Isn't the point of uniforms to be mostly, well, uniform?

*Uh-oh, I think the mousy girl who will befriend YYG is in for trouble

*Bully: "Where did you get your dress? A comic book?"

*Finally a fight scene, but still no yo-yo yet. It's not even that good of a fight.]

*Gah! Too much freaking story. Get to the yo-yo FIGHTING!!!!

*27 minutes in and still no yo-yo action. That'd be like if Buffy didn't fight any vampires for a few episodes

*How can a movie called Yo-Yo Girl be so freaking mellow dramatic. Did I accidentally turn on the WB circa 1999?

*29 minutes in and we get yo-yo action, but she sucks at it and knocks herself out. Blarg!

*Why did these idiots strap bombs to themselves if they're so freaked out by them? Also, why do I hate this movie? "The daily grind was so boring, I wanted to do something huge." Uh, ok.

*Hey the mystery lady janitor is back, could she have something to do with the story? Did she just give YYG her ipod? Yup. [I'd say this served no purpose, but I didn't watch a portion of the end.]

*A lot is lost when you can't read any of the written/typed language. I'm also guessing there's some significance to her name too.

*They should have called this Dramatic Girl Who Rarely Fights With A Yo-Yo.

*Enter the bad guys. The main mean girl is the other yo-yo girl? And she's working for the badguys? WTF?

*Haha, the bad guy goons have neon lights under their freaking lame van.

*Did this turn into a love story between the two girls? Probably because it's boring like a RomCom.

*Woah, it's gotta be weird texting in Chinese.

*So, Mousy girl and her previous girlfriend started the Enola Gay somehow? Yup, don't give a shit. Time to skip.

*Skipped to 1:07, ooh likes there's gonna be a figh--nope, she gets knocked out. BORING.

*Okay, so it's suicide day and the mean girl has everyone in the gym. Mousey has a bomb on for whatever reason. 1:15 FINALLY some yo-yo action. Well, maybe 30 seconds total.

*Well, at least the bad guys chose cool masks to wear for their bank robbery (or whatever). Kind of a MONKEEPoint Break vibe.

*Woah, game changer. It's 1:18 and she has a freaking superhero suit (still with that weird schoolgirl neckerchief thing though). Hey, the bad girl has a slutty, leather-ish costume too.

*F**king finally, a yo-off.

*Haha, the badgirl uses a butterfly yo yo.

*I wonder if they trained to do some yo-yo tricks. A LOT of this looks CGI.

*I totally want a deadly yo yo

*Why are they CGIing things like metal bars?

*The volume on this DVD is really crappy. Going from really loud to REALLY quiet.

*This SHOULD be 3 awesome minutes of YY now they get goofy? Blarg.

*Yo-yo vs. sword, this should be good...nope.

*Why does she run TOWARDS the asshole with the bomb? Also, how is she not blowed up? I hate this movie.

If there's any incling in your head to watch this movie, please don't. Just watch this clip. It's the best part of the movie and it's still not that great.

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