Thursday, April 30, 2009

Live Blogging Mannequin (1987)

I'm not even sure if I'm doing this right, but what the hell? I've started taking notes while watching movies to then use for posting on the site, but sometimes a movie isn't good enough to rank a full-on post. Well, I know you ravenous readers can't get enough of my content, so I figured I'd "live blog" some flicks. First up on the list? The 1987 epic fantasy (I guess) flick starring Andrew McCarthy, Porky's star Kim Cattrall, Estelle Getty and James Spader.

So, the basic idea of the movie is that Kim was an Egyptian (yes EGYPTIAN) princess back in ancient times. Somehow she ended up not dying when she should have and has appeared to different people throughout history, kind of like a muse. So, who does she pick in the late 80s? Hard on his luck Andrew McCarthy who ends up becoming an inspired window display designer for Estelle Getty's NYC store after he saves her life from a falling sign. It turns out that Kim's spirit is inside of a mannequin that only comes to life when no one else is looking (in theory). Andrew's displays really get people excited and business is booming, which makes the rival store angry. The rival store employs James Spader as a buttoned-up 80s business guy and the mean sergenat from the Police Academy movies plays a paranoid security guard who knows something's up. Meshach Taylor also plays an artsy over-the-top gay fellow window designer. I think. He's Andrew's friend. It's a weird movie to say the least. Anyway, here's my notes:

*Haha, white Egyptians.

*Animated opening![kind of like Grease.]

*Kim Cattrall, Estelle Getty AND James Spader? SOLD!

*Wow, that is a YOUNG Spader. [I mistook McCarthy for Spader for the first 10-15 minutes as you'll see in a few more notes.]

*This dude [McCarthy] has it ROUGH. Yet, this is still less heavy handed than Spider-Man 2. [Yeah, I'm the one guy who doesn't like Spidey 2]

*Wow, Estelle Getty looks young too.

*That's a hell of a way to get a job, catching a sign.

*Haha, woops, THAT is Spader. The main guy is Andrew McCarthy, makes sense.

*Lamar Burton, interesting. [Lamar Burton had nothing to do with this movie, I thought Meshach Taylor was Reading Rainbow's Burton.]

*Felix Maxwell looks and sounds familiar.

*Hey, he's from Ohio!

*Oh wow, this was shot in Boscov's, I'd never heard of them before moving out here. [And now I can't even remember where the Boscov around here is. Nanuet maybe?]

*Estelle looks like a younger version of the rappin granny from Wedding Singer.

*I think Felix is from the Police Academy movies. [I got this one right.]

*Hahaha, she says "Where do they hide all the musicians?" just before they music really kicks in. [I have no idea what this refers to.]

*Dress up dance number! It would take a really long time to actually do this. [Kim and Andrew are hanging out in the store after hours when no one is around and doing this huge dance number with tons of costume changes reflecting different eras. It's both kind of impressive and ridiculous.]

*Haha, can you imagine being one of these people so excited about a window display? OMG, they're f**king riding f**king bikes!!! ahhh!!!! [I know people like the window displays at Christmas, but you'd think Andrew had Whitesnake AND Poison in these displays.]

*Rambo the bulldog is super cute.

*"Tonight we nail that little fart blossom."

*Haha, hang gliding inside! [Yup, in the store. Happened.]

*I'm not sure if it's a good idea for your co workers to think you're banging a mannequin. [Andrew keeps carrying this mannequin around and his coworkers are starting to think he's weird. I guess they're right, actually.]

*Can other people hear her? [This isn't really addressed in the movie. There's a scene where Andrew takes mannequin Kim behind closed doors and they apparently have sex. So, can they hear her? I'm not sure. Either way, let's hope Andrew isn't too loud when in the throws of passion.]

*"You know I would never bother you when you're getting a piece of wood" - Lamar [Still didn't realize it's really Meshach Taylor.]

*Sure creepy foreign guy, I'll have sex with you. Hahaha he can't get it up. [Andrew has this ex who works at the evil store. While she's tasked with figuring out the secret to his window success, she's teamed with this sleazy guy with a generic accent who keeps trying to have sex with her. Eventually, she sees Andrew with someone (I think Kim in mannequin form) and decides to finally do the accent guy. It doesn't go as planned.]

*They're passing dozens of people who could be looking at her, yet she's still human. [Andrew's got Kim riding on the back of his motorcycle. When one of the other main characters sees them, she looks like a mannequin, but when they're just driving down the street she's alive. SO, you're trying to tell me that NO ONE is looking out their windows and seeing her? Plot hole!]

*What would happen if they were having sex and someone walked in? [Consider this my Brody moment while watching this crazy movie and drinking mojitos.]

*I love that they think they can ruin an essential nobody by showing pictures of him rolling around with a mannequin even though it clearly looks like he just fell on her, if it was Tom Cruise I could understand, but it's just some dude.

*Woah, awesome slide move by McCarthy, it's like calculator bowling. [Andrew's getting chased by the bad guy's goons and slides right into one of them on his knees.]

*How did this movie get made? [And I don't mean the special effects.]

*Why is there a conveyor belt for mannequin destruction leading to a wood chipper? More importantly, why can't he lift a freaking mannequin out of the shredder? [Sorry, I'm trying to think logically. And, hey, maybe department stores do have these kinds of things, I have no idea.]

*Holy shit, that guy saw her! She's human around other people!!!! [Yeah, I was excited that it finally happened, I'm a sucker for happy endings.]

*Hahahahaha, they got married?! [They've only known each other for a few months at best. Oh and she's magic.]

*"We can build this dream together..." love that song "Nothing's gonna stop us nowwwwwwww!" [I looked it up, it's called, unsurprisingly "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship. As a bonus, here's the video, with Mannequin footage!]


  1. Just reading this post title made me burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. Live blogging "Mannequin?!" Oh man, that is a bag full of LOLs! to read the post...

  2. Hey, if you've got a spare 90 minutes, you can do a lot worse than giving this movie a shot. I recommend getting a few beers deep beforehand though.

  3. This post was inspired, TJ! I look forward to many more bullet-point, live-blogged reactions on United Monkee...and may just steal the format occasionally for myself!

  4. I'm always happy to inspire. If you're looking for another, I've got one up about Yo-Yo Girl Cop and will be posting one on Best of the Best soon.