Tuesday, April 21, 2009

5 Things I Would Buy Immediately From Oriental Trading Company

I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with the Oriental Trading Company, but it's basically a catalog full of bulk junk that I wish I could fill my house with. I just found the most recent catalog in our bathroom trash (most likely Em's attempt at keeping me from a box of inflatable monkeys and 250 bouncie balls) and flipped through it to find five things I would buy tonight if I wasn't drinking my own apple mojitos and still fiscally responsible.

This will just be a rundown in page order, not necessarily the order I actually want them in. You can guess that on your own. For reference I'm working with the 2009 Graduation catalog.

1. Jumbo Inflatable Monkey Graduate
Page 15; $12.99 each
As you can tell by the name of this site, I like me some monkeys. Plus, these have those weird graduation hats and come holding diplomas. Oh, and they're 67-inches tall. That is MASSIVE. I wish I was leaning against one in my living room while typing right now. The only downside to this purchase is that you don't get 50 of them for $12.99. Where the value OTC?

2. Luau Couple Photo Door Banner
Page 29; $8.99 each
So, apparently OTC has a long line of these 3-foot-by-6-foot door banners that you can pop your head through and have a friend snap a picture. The best part? According to the above link, they're sold out. How crazy is it that one slightly toasted blogger isn't the only person who wants one of these?

3. Design-A-Room Luau Beach Scene Setters
Page 30; $49.96 for a 41 piece set
Haven't you always wanted to cover 30 feet of your place with images of surf, sun, the beach and Hawaiians rocking out? Well, ever since seeing Vince Vaughn's character's room in Old School. And, while this is a much cartoonier version, I could see something like it in my future man cave. Some day...

4. Slap Bracelet Assortment
Page 42; $19.99 for 50 pieces
You guys remember slap bracelets right? They were all the rage until the fabric of vinyl ripped and our precious wrist veins and arteries came into danger. Maybe that was just me. I'm kind of paranoid. Anyway, $20 for 50 slap bracelets still seems like a pretty awesome deal to me. I bet I could cover my arms and legs with them. Better watch out veins.

5. Mega Bouncing Ball Assortment
Page 45; $59.99 for 250 units
Okay, spending $60 on 250 bouncie balls might seem like a bad idea, but I've been developing a new form of martial arts called ball-fu that will be all the rage. And, of course, by "developing" I mean that I've thought about it a bunch, especially if Jackie Chan or Tony Jaa was the one bouncing balls against bad guys' faces. I think I could get a pretty good start and do a good amount of damage with that many balls. Someday...


  1. I want you to buy those slap bracelets and then I want to come up with a way to incorporate them into a game of Ultimate Frisbee.

  2. Oriental Trading is the best!!

    I'm totally in for stocking up on those bouncy balls. We should have some sort of event that involves bouncy balls, your or our staircase and an open door...It would be magic...

  3. Holy shit, this is rekindling in me the idea Sam and I had ages ago for an American Gladiators show in which normal people like us are the Gladiators, really out of shape people are the contenders, and the events are things like seeing who can get to the top of a ten-story building first using elevators.

    I was reminded because there was gonna be an event where Ryan stood at the top of the staircase throwing a bowling ball at people and you, TJ, were gonna be trying to pull people off monkey bars.

  4. I completely support your layman's American Gladiators Ben. I bet Oriental Trading would even sponsor the show!