The Box: Warlock And The Infinity Watch #21-24

It was bound to happen. It's not like I could have 100% luck liking these comics I picked at random and let me tell you, these four issues of Warlock And The Infinity Watch from 1993 and 1994 written by Jim Starlin and drawn by Tom Grindberg (21, 23, 24) and Angel Medina (22) are just bad. It doesn't help that 21 and 22 are Infinity Crusade tie-ins while 23 and 24 are part of the four title, 13 issue Blood and Thunder Thor crossover and I have very little working knowledge of Warlock and his team aside from what I've read in the current Guardians of the Galaxy and Infinity Gauntlet. Oh, also, I hate Grindberg's art. He's like a less anatomically correct and more sloppy Mike Mignola. And I love Mignola, which got me thinking about how fine the line between art I like and art I don't is. I wasn't going to even bother scanning one of the pages, but since these covers don't seem to be online anywhere and I was scanning anyway, I figured "what the hell." You can see the last two covers with your own eyes. I have no idea how the inker and colorist figured out what belonged to which character.


But enough about that. I like Jim Starlin space comics and these were not good Jim Starlin space comics. They don't even approach something like Infinity Gauntlet or Dreadstar (a book I highly recommend checking out). It did go a little away from his usual "space government fighting against space church" thing he seems to go to a lot, but I really had no idea what was going on in these issues. Again, it's hard to really judge a series of comics that have no running story between them, zero character development (Drax fights Thor...a lot), very little team interaction and absolutely no room for newbies like myself to gain a foothold. Blech. Maybe they're better in the context of their related stories, but as of now, I'm not putting the effort in. Hopefully the other WATIW comics in the box are a lot better because there are quite a few of them (their numbers come in second to the nearly complete run of Power Man and Iron Fist I keep hoping I don't pull for this column (did you like the new logo?).



[post does not go on]
Oh, DO go on.

Three Movies I Didn't Finish: Vanishing Point, City Heat & Mercury Man

I laughed pretty hard to myself after reading Stacie Ponder's post about trying to decide which movies to watch. I often have the same problem. I'm awake so few hours past 10PM these days that I want to get the most out of my time dollars. So, I'll either play a video game (right now it's Arkham Asylum, more on that later in the week), or watch a movie on NetBox. See, I take the DVDs with me on the train and I've got over 250 movies in the online queue, so I try to get through as many as possible. Oftentimes that means I'll watch some pretty bad movies and sometimes some good movies just don't hook me enough. Here are three such movies in the order that I semi-watched them.

VANISHING POINT (1971)
I'd heard about Vanishing Point before I saw Death Proof and even though I didn't like that movie, I still wanted to check this one out, but the problem is that it's pretty boring. You've got a lot of a guy driving a car, some chases and then weird flashbacks to him getting in motorcycle accidents and being a good cop. We also get several scenes of a blind DJ. I completely admit that I got distracted by other things and wasn't giving this movie 100% of my short attention span, but it didn't really seem like there was a lot of story here (guy's driving a car across a bunch of states for a guy, but I'm not sure why). It's kind of like when I tried to watch Superfly, which was so bad I didn't even write about it. With Superfly the script was way-short so they padded it with tons of scenes of people driving and walking places. That's just boring. I got the same feeling with Vanishing Point unfortunately, and like I said WAY back in my Bullitt review simple car chases just don't do it for me. I'm not completely writing Vanishing Point off. Does anyone have a reason for me to give this one another shot?

CITY HEAT (1984)
This is one that I completely forgot about when I was putting random movies on my digital queue. It's the only time that Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds were in a movie together. By the time this movie came out, they were both around their early 50s, but still kicked ass. Reynolds is a private detective who used to be a cop with Eastwood. The movie's mostly about Reynolds trying to find the killer of his partner, played by Shaft--Richard Roundtree (who I JUST saw in Maniac Cop, I think he might be stalking me through his old movies). It's set in the 30s and has kind of a less-bright (color-wise) Dick Tracy-vibe to it. It's a comedy, but definitely riffs on a ton of film noir movies like Maltese Falcon. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with this movie, I was just getting restless and it wasn't moving all that fast (which is saying something considering it's only 80-some minutes long). I thought I was going to move on to something more horror or action oriented, but barely lasted. I think I'll actually go back and give this action comedy with two awesome Manly Movie Men another shot. Also of note, it was directed by Richard Benjamin Money Pit. So many connections!

MERCURY MAN (2006)
Hey, don't watch this movie. I checked it out thinking it would be another Thai movie in the vein of Ong-Bak or The Protector which are freaking amazing with a superhero bent. It isn't. It's a poorly CGIed Spider-Man rip-off that rivals some pretty bad Indian knock offs. I completely admit to falling asleep for an indeterminate amount of time fairly early in the movie and TRYING to stay away to check out a fight scene to see if this thing was worth my time and it wasn't. If you want to watch a crazy version of Spider-Man, head over to Marvel.com and peep these Japanese Spidey videos they've got. This is episode 26, so it might not make much sense (though I don't know if it would matter if you'd seen the previous 25).


Oh, DO go on.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Ain't So Good

It's like Public Enemy says, folks, don't believe the hype. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is nowhere near as cool as the trailer had us believe.

And by hype, I of course mean this crazy trailer that everyone was passing around the internet:

Every cool part of the movie is right there. I didn't even realize this movie was put out by Asylum, the same guys that do Transmorphers until BC over at HorrorMovieADay pointed it out. By the way, I swear I don't try and copy his viewing choices, though I do get inspired to check out movies like Let Sleeping Corpses Lie. I did make note of a lot of the same things though.

For instance the special effects are pretty good as far as the title characters go (and, in some cases, they're more developed than the actors), but these weird flashes of white are super freaking annoying. At first I thought it was lightning, but then it was under water as well and kept happening over and over again. And inside of a sub.

Aside from being incredibly slow and boring, the movie was also poorly acted. Lorenzo Lamas plays a total asshole, who's also racist. It's played tongue in cheek I guess because he says something like "I'm an equal opportunity racist." He's actually pretty funny, but not in a way that seems on purpose.

There's also alot of other bad actors playing military types. There are two captains. The boat captain is awesomely ridiculous. I think he's the one in the trailer who says something like "It rises" or whatever. The other is the captain of the sub and seems to be channeling Chris Penn in all his exasperated glory. It's crazy.

The person that disappointed me the most was Ms. Debbie Gibson (the part of me that loved watching her in music videos on Nickelodeon when I was a youngin' will never call her Deborah). To be honest, I didn't even remember she was in this (or Lamas), but I got psyched when I saw her in the credits. Unfortunately, her delivery is pretty flat throughout the whole thing. Instead of harping on it, just watch this Debbie Gibson video from the 80s. I wanted the official one, but couldn't find it (which means I couldn't find it with a simple search of YouTube).

There was one bright spot in the movie (and not the digitally inserted ones) in the form of Sean Lawlor who played Debbie's professor. I'm not quite sure if he's that good or if he's just really good compared to everyone else. Holy crap, he was in Space Truckers! Oh IMDb, you never cease to impress me.

So, yeah, this is a bad movie. If you read this interview and, hopefully, HMAD's, and you still want to check it out, you're beyond help, but you can't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, DO go on.

Finally, The Perfect Synthesis of Star Wars, Star Trek and Hip Hop

Now that the Star Trek hype has settled down, I bet you, like me, thought you wouldn't be seeing any more Star Trek references on TV or in music videos. That'd be kinda lame right? Kind of out of touch? Well, like Eminem , Dream disagrees with my sentiments.

I've gotta warn you, this song is stupid, even Kanye's part is just okay, which is too bad because his first two albums are pretty rad. But, if you're looking for what looks like the bridge of the USS Enterprise on the Millennium Falcon, then this is the video for you.

The-Dream - Walking On The Moon (feat. Kanye West)

Oh, DO go on.

Suckfest: Def By Temptation

Last week and the week before were pretty lackluster for me as far as picking out new movies to watch. I mentioned before that I watched the 1979 version of Dracula based on a HorrorMovieADay review I read. Now, I'm not blaming BC over there at all, I love the site and am finally caught up on his entries (a must for any horror fan), I just got really bored with the movie. I guess I just prefer my vampires a little less Victorian. So, with that in mind I checked out a movie called Def BY Temptation (1990) on Netflix and it was even worse.


With a cover like this, how could you not be interested in this movie? Sam Jackson and Dwayne Wayne (a.k.a. Kadeem Hardison) in a vampire movie directed by a guy calling himself James Bond III (who weirdly directed two episodes of The Waltons)? I do have to note that the image on Netflix didn't have the Troma logo, not that would have dissuaded me (I love Toxic Avenger).

The story as far as I can tell is that there's this female vampire who hangs out in a bar and takes unsuspecting dudes back to her house. There's also this country mouse-type dude visiting his cousin (Hardison) in the big bad city. Country Mouse gets sucked into the vampire lady's web of sexy vampire kills. I did not get very far into this movie, maybe a half hour, 45 minutes max, because it's SUPER boring. The problem is that they insist on showing the exact same thing over and over again. You see the vamp hit on a guy in the bar, bring him back to her place, get a little freaky and then she bites him. Sometimes she turns him and other times not, I think. It's really a boring movie, though according to this trailer I found on YouTube, it seems to get cooler as Kadeem and the guy who would go on to play Robbie Robertson in the Spider-Man movies go after the vampire chick, seemingly to kill her and save Country Mouse. Oh, also, Sam Jackson only shows up in a dream sequence as a preacher or something just to get killed. I have no idea if he shows up later in the film as he doesn't play a big role in the trailer.



One thing I did like about the movie was a montage of Country Mouse trying on clothes for his night on the town with Kadeem. Meanwhile, Kadeem's watching and laughing/commenting on the wacky fashion choices. Now, I love me a good montage regardless of what the subject is, but the funny thing is that this scene is VERY similar to one I just watched today in the best rollerblading movie of all time Airborne (review soon). One of you video wizzes should really splice the two together, it'd be awesome...probably.

Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed by the movie. It's not that I was expecting much (though I did love A Different World so much I actually had a pair of Dwayne Wayne flip glasses and would proudly wear adult versions today), but the fact that I can so rarely stay up late enough to watch a movie thanks to my commute that I wanted this one to be good. In the end I turned it off and watched an episode or two of Charles in Charge before calling it quits and then was dragging ass the next day. I guess I learned my lesson. For now...

Oh, DO go on.

Live Blogging Yo-Yo Girl Cop (2006)

Guys, there's two things about me that you probably don't know. First off, I love action movies. Well, if you read one of my recent posts, you actually do know that. You also know that I don't require a lot from my action movies, mostly just action and lots of it. The thing that you most likely don't know about me is that I love yo-yos. I actually started yo-yoing in grade school and got a number of kids in my class into it too (one of two trends I started at Toledo's Christ the King, the other was a brief class-wide fascination with Overpower cards). I never got very proficient at tricks, except walking the dog and rock the cradle, but I like to throw a yo-yo to give my hands something to do. As usual, this is a roundabout way of telling you that when I heard about a movie called Yo-Yo Girl Cop, I got so excited that I've apparently tried to watch it twice.

I only remember the first maybe 20-30 minutes of the movie and vaguely at best. I'm thinking I watched it when I was a member at Blockbuster and never finished it for whatever reason. The reason I should have remembered it is because it's a bad, boring, schlocky movie that never really lives up to it's awesome title. The plot is stupid and takes itself too seriously. I think I'm mostly just disappointed with how much I wanted this to be a rad movie and how boring it turned out to be. I wanted it to be another Machine Girl, but it's closer to Gorgeous.

Again, I've got to tell you this was a bad movie. Anyway, here's my notes.

*Hey, I've actually seen this before, recently even, so why don't I remember it?

*The American woman sounds like the woman in Pi. [The character doesn't seem to be in the IMDb entry].

*So, she's getting deported because she's bad but escapes. Her mom's bad news, but they're not deporting her.

*Woah, her red eye just cried a tear of blood

*Is she gonna be taking care of this kid? Ugh. [Luckily no, but this should have been a tip off to the movie's lameness.]

*I think I saw this when we had Blockbuster. I remember bits and pieces: she's inducted into whatever spy group her mom was in and I think meets/fights her mom later. [Right and wrong respectively.]

*12 minutes in and no yo yo usage yet.

* She's part of Organization K which trains and deploys underage agents for special operations.

*Enola Gay - a website for info on suicide and building bombs, is it really that hard to shut down a website? They got the Pirate Bay guys.

*So it's like Agent Cody Banks but with yo-yos and more kicking (hopefully) [If Agent Cody Banks has roughly 5 minutes of yo-yo fighting and 20 kicks, then I'm wrong on this one.]

*I sense a training montage coming up...Aw nuts, she's just going to school. [We never see her train and, in fact, she's a crappy fighter for the most part and doesn't seem to know how to use her weapon.]

*Nice, weoponized yo-yo on a garter utility belt.

*She's not making a very good first impression: "Shut up or I'll beat the shit out of all of you" after the class cheers for her.

*Mean girls!!! Who try and drop desks on people?

*Why is her uniform different? Isn't the point of uniforms to be mostly, well, uniform?

*Uh-oh, I think the mousy girl who will befriend YYG is in for trouble

*Bully: "Where did you get your dress? A comic book?"

*Finally a fight scene, but still no yo-yo yet. It's not even that good of a fight.]

*Gah! Too much freaking story. Get to the yo-yo FIGHTING!!!!

*27 minutes in and still no yo-yo action. That'd be like if Buffy didn't fight any vampires for a few episodes

*How can a movie called Yo-Yo Girl be so freaking mellow dramatic. Did I accidentally turn on the WB circa 1999?

*29 minutes in and we get yo-yo action, but she sucks at it and knocks herself out. Blarg!

*Why did these idiots strap bombs to themselves if they're so freaked out by them? Also, why do I hate this movie? "The daily grind was so boring, I wanted to do something huge." Uh, ok.

*Hey the mystery lady janitor is back, could she have something to do with the story? Did she just give YYG her ipod? Yup. [I'd say this served no purpose, but I didn't watch a portion of the end.]

*A lot is lost when you can't read any of the written/typed language. I'm also guessing there's some significance to her name too.

*They should have called this Dramatic Girl Who Rarely Fights With A Yo-Yo.

*Enter the bad guys. The main mean girl is the other yo-yo girl? And she's working for the badguys? WTF?

*Haha, the bad guy goons have neon lights under their freaking lame van.

*Did this turn into a love story between the two girls? Probably because it's boring like a RomCom.

*Woah, it's gotta be weird texting in Chinese.

*So, Mousy girl and her previous girlfriend started the Enola Gay somehow? Yup, don't give a shit. Time to skip.

*Skipped to 1:07, ooh likes there's gonna be a figh--nope, she gets knocked out. BORING.

*Okay, so it's suicide day and the mean girl has everyone in the gym. Mousey has a bomb on for whatever reason. 1:15 FINALLY some yo-yo action. Well, maybe 30 seconds total.

*Well, at least the bad guys chose cool masks to wear for their bank robbery (or whatever). Kind of a MONKEEPoint Break vibe.

*Woah, game changer. It's 1:18 and she has a freaking superhero suit (still with that weird schoolgirl neckerchief thing though). Hey, the bad girl has a slutty, leather-ish costume too.

*F**king finally, a yo-off.

*Haha, the badgirl uses a butterfly yo yo.

*I wonder if they trained to do some yo-yo tricks. A LOT of this looks CGI.

*I totally want a deadly yo yo

*Why are they CGIing things like metal bars?

*The volume on this DVD is really crappy. Going from really loud to REALLY quiet.

*This SHOULD be 3 awesome minutes of YY action...so now they get goofy? Blarg.

*Yo-yo vs. sword, this should be good...nope.

*Why does she run TOWARDS the asshole with the bomb? Also, how is she not blowed up? I hate this movie.

If there's any incling in your head to watch this movie, please don't. Just watch this clip. It's the best part of the movie and it's still not that great.



Oh, DO go on.

They Can't All Be Winners

2009-02-25
2:06:36 am

I haven't been having a ton of luck lately when it comes to watching movies. Aside from falling asleep about a half hour in exactly no matter how cool the movie, I've been picking some duds (though still a few good ones). I couldn't even get into watching Repo: The Genetic Opera for some reason. I'm not going to pass judgment on that one now because I was really tired, but I wanted to keep our Netflix queue going so I sent it back.

I did not however like an action movie I tried watching last night called Kiltro (2006). I made it about a half hour into that one before I fell asleep. I was hoping for an awesome action movie (as advertised), but instead I got a story about a guy who likes to fight and has a crush on a girl who blah blah blah. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I want my action movies (and my giant monster movies for that matter) to be less talking and more destruction, unless they happen to be actually funny like Police Story 1 and 2. Again, I don't really consider this a review, because I didn't watch the whole movie, just letting you action fans out there know not to waste your time.

I also watched most of a movie called Hickey and Boggs (1972) which has a lot going for it in that The Warriors writer Walter Hill wrote it and Bill Cosby stars as a tough guy private detective along with Robert Culp who also directs. I didn't have any problem with this movie, though it is a bit slow, I just haven't finished it yet because it's kind of long and it expires from Netflix on March 1. It's in the same vein as Dirty Harry and is pretty cool, so I might finish it up today. Oh, and if you were wondering, yes it's kind of weird seeing Bill Cosby as a tough guy, but he also pulls it off really well. It's fun to watch. Again, not a real review, but just some thoughts.

That being said, I do have four ACTUAL reviews:

POPCORN (1991)

Man, the 90s were a weird time for horror movies. You're looking at a time after the slasher glut greatly hindered the genre, but before Scream made them cool again. Popcorn is kind of a weird movie. The basic premise is that a college film club decides to hold a movie marathon to raise some money. But this isn't any movie marathon, they're showing movies with a gimmick like smell-o-vision or shock-o-rama. As such, they need an old movie theater to show their flicks in and a crazy old guy to help out (and then completely disappear) in the form of Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian). If you really liked the beginning of Scream 2 where there's all kinds of craziness happening in a movie theater, then this is right up your alley as it seems as though a counterculture guy from back in the day wants his weirdo movie to be seen so much he's willing to kill people for it (that's not exactly the plot, but I don't want to give too much away). There was enough quirky charm to keep me watching even though the movie isn't awesome by any means. So, if that sounds interesting (oh and the fact that someone gets killed via giant fake mosquito), check it out.

THE ROCKER (2008)

I was really surprised with how much I liked this Rainn Wilson flick. I was also surprised with the huge number of cast members I not only recognized, but knew by name (for the most part). Wilson stars as a drummer who got kicked out of what became the biggest band of the 80s right before they blew up. Now, in modern times, Rainn's down on his luck, but ends up joining his nephew's band, which garners its own huge levels of success. Aside from the cast that includes Christina Applegate, Emma Stone, Jeff Garland, Jane Lynch (from 40 Year Old Virgin and a hundred other things), Jason Sudekis, Will Arnett, Fred Armisen, Jane Krakowski, Bradley Cooper, Lonny Ross (30 Rock), Demetri Martin and Aziz Ansari, I was really impressed with how well they pull off some moments that could have come off as cheesy. There's also one part where Rainn offers up the emo lead singer some songwriting advice (paraphrase "let's speed it up and switch it to I'm NOT bitter) and he actually takes it without flinching. Sure it's kind of similar to a scene in That Thing You Do, but in this case the lead singer just decided to go for it instead of being a d-bag. The Rocker is one of those flicks that seems like it either went up against some huge other movie or their producers didn't have the juice to put much/any advertising cash behind it, because there's no reason that this shouldn't have done way better (though I said the same thing after seeing Speed Racer, which I still really enjoyed, so what do I know).

I also watched a couple movies all the way through that I wasn't really into and those were Bangkok Dangerous (2008) and The Crazies (1973). I'll be honest, the only reason I wanted to watch BD is because I've laughed a million times at the Best of The Wicker Man video on YouTube starring BD's Nic Cage. Man that's a funny video. You can get to it here after reading an AWESOME article I wrote about horror movie remakes for ToyFare. Unfortunately, BD was no where near as ridiculous as I was hoping it would be (I mean, COME ON, it's Nic Cage as an assassin!). Instead, it's a pretty run-of-the mill story about an assassin who has all kinds of rules, but is starting to not want to be an assassin anymore. You've seen it a million times and this doesn't really offer up anything new, unlike Grosse Pointe Blank which is completely awesome.

The Crazies (1973) is the first non-zombie George Romero movie I've ever seen. It was okay, but not all that interesting. Instead of focusing on characters and how they react to these crazy situations, it seemed like Romero was more focused on showing a lot of dudes in white hazmat-type suits rounding people up after a virus that makes people go bat-poop nutso, gets released in a small town. There's nothing all that wrong, really, it just didn't grab my attention like my favorite Romero (and horror) flick Dawn of the Dead does.

Oh, DO go on.

Halloween Scene: Brotherhood of Blood (2007)

2008-10-17
4:22:28 am

I figured my good luck with the Ghost House Underground flicks wouldn't last. I've been watching Brotherhood of Blood for about an hour now and I just don't really care what's going on. The story needlessly jumps around in time, which I can accept, except the editing is a bit confusing and about half the acting is wooden (the other half darn good). The dialogue has about the same percentage of hit and miss.

It's you're basic team of vampire hunters against an old vampire and his clan. There's some kind of plot about a dude whose brother may or may not be a vampire. Again, I'm being a bad reviewer and got distracted by the Internets, but there also hasn't been much in the movie to make me take note and saw "holy cats!" It's kind of like a Blade movie, but without the style or the budget. It also sets up an unfamiliar mythology and then tries to flip it on us like it's something we've known since we were kids, but it just doesn't work out all that well.

I have noticed that the movie looks more like an episode of Law and Order than a movie. I assume Dance of the Dead had a fairly low budget as well, but it looked a lot slicker than BoB. Another thing I noticed is that the young vampire hunter kid they induct into their group is pretty much an idiot. Not only does he try to unchain their vampire captive (played by Dawn of the Dead and Leatherface's Ken Foree!), but he then later complains that the vampire is tied up to tight. JEEZ! The main vampire hunter chick actually does make a point about how stupid he's being, but I question if anyone would react in such a manner after actually being around vampires.

But it's not all bad. Like I said Ken Foree's in it, which makes two movies I've watched with him in it this week! He looks kind of like a gypsy vampire, but I'm not really sure what his story is. It's ALWAYS good to see my man again. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I've never met Ken, but I feel like we could start a detective duo or a mystery solving rock band if and when we do eventually meet.) Sid Haig of Devil's Rejects and House of 1000 fame also pops up. He's the leader of the vampire pack. He tempers his usual over-the-top-ness with more subtlety than you might expect, but, like with Ken, he's always a fun face to see in a flick.

Finally, I've got to give it to Victoria Pratt for giving her all in her roll as the main vampire hunter lady. You may recognize her from Cleopatra 2025 or Mutant X, but I didn't. There wasn't a single moment on screen where I thought she believed anything but the plain and simple fact that she was a badass vampire hunter. She really keeps the movie from completely toppling in on itself with all the little problems. She's even responsible for most of the best gore pieces when she's kicking vamp butt.

Overall, I can't recommend this flick to anyone but huge vampire, Ken Foree, Sid Haig or Victoria Pratt fans. The story's muddled, the acting, editing and script only so-so, the gore pretty good though there isn't a lot of it and the big "twist ending" is just kind of eh, but you do get a slightly different take on the vampire mythos.

Oh, DO go on.

Bloody Awful

2008-07-21
2:55:21 am

So, sometimes a movie comes along and it's so terribly bad, that I really want to shut it off. Sometimes I do and other times I'm not done with my beer so I keep it on. I would have rather thrown an entire case down the drain than finish the terribleness that is Roger Corman's Bloody Mama. The flick stars Shelly Winters (of Poseidon Adventure fame) as Ma Barker, the notorious leader of the Barker Boys crime family which consisted of her sons and a few other fellas. Here's the thing though, according to my research (and by that, I, of course, mean Wikipedia), Ma Barker had nothing to do with her sons' country-wide crime spree. But that didn't stop Corman and Co. from throwing in a disturbing off camera incestual rape scene in the first 3 minutes followed by the young Ma Barker hoping that some days he'd be surrounded by her own sons that will protect her. Ugh. Oh yeah, Robert De Niro's in this bad boy (and I mean BAD) as the son who's on drugs. It's really a truly bad film that makes little-to-no sense and I don't really want to write much more about it, so I'll just post my cleaned up, stream of consciousness notes here instead of really getting into it. If anything below makes you want to see the movie to understand what I mean, please don't. E-mail me and I'll answer you questions.

Bloody Mama (1970)

Do we really need to start with a rape followed by an upbeat jingle jangle song?

Ma Barker's a criminal AND a racist

And now we have prison rape, yeesh

Why would cops shoot with those broads hangin' off the car?

Mona gets passed around to the brothers, yuck

What the hell is the knife throwing game?

No one to root for, no hero, except De Niro cause i like him

And...another rape plus murder, sorry Rembrandt you were the only not hideous thing in this movie

I want all of these characters to get shot in the face, where's J Edgar Hoover when you need him?

And now Ma wants to have sex with her hostage

Why are they catching gators? They fish with a pig and then shoot it with a tommy gun.

De Niro overdoses, oh well.

finally, SHOOTING, the END is near

Shelley Winters with a tommy gun mowing down cops is kinda funny

Also, they've drawn a crowd who's watching it like it's a play

Who are the cops shooting at outside while Shelly and her oldest son are talking? Everyone else is dead

Oh snap the last son just shot himself in the face with a tommy gun

Nice death montage followed by an ending with a stamp dedicated to mothers behind the credits is pretty funny

Ugh, what a pile of no goodness

Oh, DO go on.