Friday, June 26, 2009

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Ain't So Good

It's like Public Enemy says, folks, don't believe the hype. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is nowhere near as cool as the trailer had us believe.

And by hype, I of course mean this crazy trailer that everyone was passing around the internet:

Every cool part of the movie is right there. I didn't even realize this movie was put out by Asylum, the same guys that do Transmorphers until BC over at HorrorMovieADay pointed it out. By the way, I swear I don't try and copy his viewing choices, though I do get inspired to check out movies like Let Sleeping Corpses Lie. I did make note of a lot of the same things though.

For instance the special effects are pretty good as far as the title characters go (and, in some cases, they're more developed than the actors), but these weird flashes of white are super freaking annoying. At first I thought it was lightning, but then it was under water as well and kept happening over and over again. And inside of a sub.

Aside from being incredibly slow and boring, the movie was also poorly acted. Lorenzo Lamas plays a total asshole, who's also racist. It's played tongue in cheek I guess because he says something like "I'm an equal opportunity racist." He's actually pretty funny, but not in a way that seems on purpose.

There's also alot of other bad actors playing military types. There are two captains. The boat captain is awesomely ridiculous. I think he's the one in the trailer who says something like "It rises" or whatever. The other is the captain of the sub and seems to be channeling Chris Penn in all his exasperated glory. It's crazy.

The person that disappointed me the most was Ms. Debbie Gibson (the part of me that loved watching her in music videos on Nickelodeon when I was a youngin' will never call her Deborah). To be honest, I didn't even remember she was in this (or Lamas), but I got psyched when I saw her in the credits. Unfortunately, her delivery is pretty flat throughout the whole thing. Instead of harping on it, just watch this Debbie Gibson video from the 80s. I wanted the official one, but couldn't find it (which means I couldn't find it with a simple search of YouTube).

There was one bright spot in the movie (and not the digitally inserted ones) in the form of Sean Lawlor who played Debbie's professor. I'm not quite sure if he's that good or if he's just really good compared to everyone else. Holy crap, he was in Space Truckers! Oh IMDb, you never cease to impress me.

So, yeah, this is a bad movie. If you read this interview and, hopefully, HMAD's, and you still want to check it out, you're beyond help, but you can't say I didn't warn you.

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